Trust No One Online!

Our Future?

Start Them Early

Laptop on Fire: No Longer Free cont… (Assign 6b)

TIME MANAGEMENT

Since the timing on my computer heating up has advanced, I have learned to use my time wisely. Watching the 15 second countdown take 15 minutes until it decides to load my game of Family Feud is NOT on my list of things to do.

Top 5 Things I do while waiting for my computer to wake up:

Paint Nails – I don’t have time to keep up with my manicures. This is a chance to finally remove the nail polish that has been chipping off my nails for 3 weeks. There is more than enough time to take off the old polish, paint another color and create designs.

Laundry –  This is a perfect time for me to start unloading my overflowing hamper. Sadly, I’ve watched my underwear pile slowly disperse over the past couple of weeks. While I wait for my computer to come out of a coma I finally get the chance to clean my clothes.

Watch TV – As a full time student I don’t have time to keep up with my favorite TV shows. Catching an episode of last week’s Big Bang Theory is a great way to forget my frustrations with my lagging laptop.

Eat – Since I’m always on-the-go, I eat whatever I can grab and consume quickly. Since I have to wait for my computer to completely cool down from a boiling state I have plenty of time to make myself a healthy sandwich.

Facial – I never have time to keep up with beauty remedies. I know I have at least 15 to 20 minutes to spare. I can make and wear an avocado mask and cleanse my skin.

There are really great ways on How to Make an Avocado Mask.

Laptop On Fire: No Longer Free (Assign 6e)

My Computer Can Fry an Egg

A few years after the purchase of my Toshiba laptop the excitement went on a downward spiral. Since I can’t afford to purchase a fancy computer, at the moment – I’m screwed! My laptop is less than 3 years old; I feel that it is too young to start emitting heat immediately after turning it on.

Burning Up

My computer has developed a fever, a fever that doesn’t seem to go away. My fingertips burn, while I type on a keyboard that feels like it’s on fire, literally. I risk getting 2^nd degree burns because I rather keep the computer on than shut it off and wait for it to cool down. Sometimes, I can, literally, smell smoke. The upside is, during the winter it’s a great hand warmer!

(Unfortunately I don’t end up looking like this)

(I end up looking like this!)

I usually wait 3-5 minutes for a Word document to load and I try to select all the settings I need before I start typing. If I change my mind midway through my writing, well too damn bad! I don’t have the patience to wait another 5 minutes for each setting to change.

Shutting Down

Shutting the computer down means, waiting an unpredictable amount of time for it to reach room temperature. The techniques I use to cool it down (if I choose to wait around) are…

• Fan with magazine, paper, my hand or anything else I can find
• Lay it on its back and direct the fan on it
• Blow on it
• Yell at it

 The process of starting it up, is gruelling. It insists on scanning for anything that is “possibly damaged.” It isn’t the files that are damaged, it’s the computer! Besides, the only reason it was “shut down suddenly” was because it was so heated the controls froze and I didn’t have the patience to wait for it to unfreeze. The inconvenience of deciding whether to take the chance of shutting it off or keeping it on until it may possibly explode can be of great stress!

Assignment Deadlines

These issues often arise in full force when I’m facing a deadline for an assignment; every minute counts. Pleading with my computer to stay alive for five more minutes is a common ritual for me.

Scenario:

Turnitin.com is ready to time stamp my assignment and my computer freezes. The deadline is at 12am and at 11:30pm the computer begins to give up. It’s bad enough that the paper doesn’t have a proper conclusion, my primary concern becomes whether my computer has enough juice to pull through for another 30 minutes. Within seconds, my convenient device has become my greatest enemy. 

Nowadays the heating problem has escalated into a situation where my computer no longer waits for my decision. It has now developed the ability to determine when it is time to shut down. I discovered this a few weeks ago while working on a final assignment. The laptop was burning up, as usual and I was pushing its ability to keep working, as usual. However, this time the computer shut down on its own. It went without any notification. No note to tell me, “you’re an asshole for making me work so hard. Fuck you, I’m going to sleep!”  It shut off and insisted on staying off until it felt ready to return to work.

So, I’m Back to using the computer in the “common area.” My mother, is very happy!

Purchase Freedom: Buying a Laptop (Assign 5e)

The Laptop

The invention of the laptop was a great leap for mankind. It allows people to stalk others online on a more regular basis without having to wait until they return home.

The university student is definitely grateful for the invention. We no longer have to sit in class and listen to an entire lecture. Instead, we can update our Facebook status every 10 minutes so that our friends (who are also students in class) can be updated on our most current thought.

The Excitement

I didn’t get a laptop when I was 16 instead I had to wait until I got accepted into a University. My South Asian parents needed a concrete reason to invest in such a pricey device. Once I received my admissions letter from U of T I knew my days of “no privacy” (implemented by my parents) were finally OVER!

My Life Before Getting a Laptop

Before I got my own computer my parents kept a desktop computer in a “common area” downstairs. While I used the computer my mother always walked slowly as she passed by me. She insisted she was not reading anything and then a few minutes later would ask me, “who was that boy you were giggling with?”

During our arguments her defense line would always start with, “what’s the problem, do you have something to hide!”

South Asian Parents Logic:

• If you have privacy you’re keeping secrets
• If you have secrets you’re doing something bad
• If you’re doing something bad you won’t tell your parents

This is the reasoning that I was forced to accept.

The Crazy South Asian Mother

Once my parents were convinced I was going to university my father agreed to buy me a laptop. 

My mother did everything in her power to stop the purchase from happening too ahead of time. One day my sister, mom and I went shopping and after hours of looking I had decided on a computer, I called my father and he granted the OK to purchase it. My mother instantly stepped in and tried to convince my father that waiting to buy a computer closer to September would be the best decision.

What South Asian Mothers DO NOT understand:

• Their children need privacy
• Their children grow up to be adults
• Living at home doesn’t make you a child

The thoughts of privacy, secrecy and less control attacked her brain faster than she could digest it. Her immediate response was to throw a fit! In the store, she began yelling at my sister and I, “Oh, you think you’re very smart for being fancy with your computers!” “Now you’re a big shot because you need gadgets!” The salesman, beside her, did not think his commission was as important as getting out of her way. As soon as we came home I hugged my father for purchasing a piece of my freedom.

Why Did You Reconstruct Your Face? (Assign 4d)

Technology has done wonders for science. New discoveries, innovations and improvements in our world have saved lives, educate us and challenge our minds. Hollywood is a great example of new ideas. When it comes to acting, movies, graphics and the list goes on, Hollywood takes creativity to a new level.

The actors also enjoy getting involved with new innovations. They love taking on a new character and identity, which makes so many of them great actors.

Though, some people take the idea of “new” and run a little too wild with it. Unfortunately, “new and improved” doesn’t always work out. Sometimes people and technology don’t work well together.

Reinventing how we read, how we communicate, how we travel are advances that benefit our daily lives. Just as plastic surgery has helped the woman restructure her body after she was hit by a drunk driver; and reconstruct the child who was born with birth defects because their mother was on drugs.

But, those of us who were healthy and have not endured physical traumas should not feel that they need to reinvent their face. Why do women want a third lip? We’re not all suppose to look like Angelina Jolie.

We’re certainly not suppose to look young forever.

When people use technological scientific methods to defy the natural process of time, we all suffer!

The Subtle Transformation

Then we see people who are not as extreme as Dolly Parton.  C.S.I. Miami has become a very popular show. Sexy cast members, bright screen shots and overall, depicting the glamorous side at crime scenes. One of the lead characters, Officer Calleigh Duquesne (Emily Procter) started her career depicting her sweet southern gal roots. Her short appearance on the TV show Friends in 1995 does not show the woman we see today in C.S.I Miami.

Did she really think no one would notice that her face has gradually changed over the past decade? Her original face was obviously beautiful enough to be cast on the Hit TV show Friends so why did she think she needed to plump up everything in her face?

The New Message

Everyone was born with a face and we all have a unique look but in today’s world that’s just not enough. You need to have the face that the doctors are making. The face that can make you look like 10 people in 1. The new moral is not to settle for what you were given, but to aspire to create a better you; a younger you; a sexier you! No one wants that simple look anymore, you’ll just get lost in the crowd.

Who cares if your boobs start to deform because the silicone was not implanted properly, just get more silicon! Who cares if you no longer have facial expressions, just post your feelings on Twitter, after all that’s what it’s there for!

The Future

What do we have to look forward to? Will plastic surgery be mandatory? Will high school or even elementary school children start investing in the new and improved looks? Will we even recognize our friends if we don’t see each other for a few months? Will we design an entirely new form of a face? People spend so much time, money and energy on physically changing how they look I wonder if, someday, my grandchildren will look like this?….

Celebrities Will Lead the Way!

Hot New Inventions Over the Years (Assign 3d)

Best Inventions – My Top 3 Picks

#1 The alarm clock is one of the greatest inventions of all time. It has helped me miss class, be late for interviews and overall to procrastinate.

#2 P.V.R! Admittedly, I didn’t know what those letters stood for until recently. Now that I know how to use a PVR (Personal Video Recorder) I can’t imagine living without it. Fast forwarding through commercials was a brilliant idea.

#3 The shower radio is ingenious. I no longer need to find space, on the sink counter for my extra large radio. I don’t need to blast the volume to hear the music anymore. Best of all, now that I can hear the songs clearly and can sing in the shower more effectively. It’s Great!

Growing up, I only had a radio alarm clock; that was “high tech” enough for me.

My Childhood

What happened to children going to the park? Do parks no longer exist? In my neighbourhood, parks are referred to as history. We use to have 5 parks in my neighbourhood and after school they were ALL filled with kids and backpacks would line along the grass. The grass never grew because kids were always running on it and the sand was always dark brown and murky from the mud we brought. Today my neighbourhood has 2 parks. Apparently there isn’t use for them anymore. The grass grows a bright green colour; the sand is almost grey and sparkles under the sunlight. Where have all the children gone?

When I was growing up, we didn’t know how to sit on the couch for long periods of time. When it was summer we were at parks, pools and playing sports. In the winter we had snowball fights, built snow forts and went tobogganing. When it rained we splashed in puddles that ruined our new outfits.

Entering Adulthood

I first bought a phone when I was in grade 12. I thought I was so cool and I was finally engaging with the technological world. When I went to TELUS all they could offer me were devices that I wouldn’t be able to use when I got home. The phones were filled with buttons that did things that were of no use to me. I knew the sales guy could smell fresh meat so I ended up paying $200 more to buy a phone that had LESS features. I know that sounds crazy, but I needed a phone that I could use for talking and texting not so that I could organize the world from a hand held device. I was 18, what more did I really need?

Today’s Children

Today 4 year olds are using Blackberries. I’m not sure what business they have to attend to, but Blackberries are now essential for their growth – I think?  My neighbour’s 4 year old daughter uses a smart phone to search for her favorite songs on YouTube.

When I was 5, if I wanted to hear a song I liked, I…

#1  Sang it

#2  Asked my mother to play it on the piano

And if it was a new song, I would…

 #1 – wait for it to come on the radio

#2 – wait until Friday to watch Tarzan Dan on YTV HitList

 

 

 

 
The Experiences Children are Losing Out On

Just because I grew up in a different generation I don’t think I’m crazy to believe that Blackberries were not designed for toddlers. We once ate Oreo cookies by dunking them in milk. Nowadays kids can’t experience the dunking, they need their hands (at least one hand) to play their video games. They only know how to pop food in their mouth. They are losing out on the experience of eating food.

Somehow the Blackberry and other devices have become more important to children than building snow forts, to keep the enemies from shooting them with snowballs. I didn’t realize that wearing your swimsuit and running through sprinklers in the garden on a hot day could be considered lame, oppose to moving your thumbs as fast as you can to figure out what other people are doing on Facebook.

Are You an Online Stalker? cont… (Assign 2d)

What Do we care about on Social Networking Profiles?

We care about everything!

If you’ve started a new relationship with someone the first place you’re going for a background check, is to their online profile. You may not want to, you may not even realize you’re doing it – but you are! Most of the information you find will determine whether that person stands to see you again.

–  Where they work: What kind of job they have will let us know if they’re lying about working late hours. If he/she is a police officer of course they may have the night shift or emergency to attend to. But if they’re a teacher, I’m sorry to say but there shouldn’t be any late night “study” periods! Also, if your partner always shows up in the most up-to-date luxuries (BMW, Rolex watch, Armani suites) yet his online profile says ‘janitor at the local recreation centre’ you definitely HAVE TO rethink this relationship!

– Friends: If they have over 1000 friends on their list, are they really that popular or is he/she the creeper online that adds everyone they see? Are majority of their online friends of the opposite sex? If that’s the case, that’s often read as a “slut” or “man whore.” Either way, if you’re not comfortable with it you’ll be checking their page every 15 minutes to see who the new “player” of the day is. Also, if all his/her friends talk about getting high on Friday night – guess what your partner is doing this Friday!

– Where they live: Do they live in the same province/state/country as you? This is very important to know. You could have just gone on a few dates with someone who is on vacation or just passing through town. You need to know where their home base is because if you don’t, you’ll never be able to hunt them down after they don’t return your calls.

– Age: Apparently people seem to think that lying about their age is “cool” – it’s not! Personally, I’ve had too many encounters with males who lie about their age. The older men claim their younger; and the boys claim that their older. For this particular piece of information, I strongly believe that 3 pieces of valid government identification is the only way to find the truth.

– Siblings: Some siblings have a very close relationship. When they’re of the opposite sex, it can come across as somewhat romantic. Hugs and kisses online can mean anything. This is very important to distinguish early on because we don’t want to get them mixed up with potential cheating partners.

– Likes & Dislikes: Checking out the pages, pictures and websites they like and dislike seems to tell us if the person is politically involved, a humanitarian or a typical pervert. Snooping through the profile will let you in on the loop.

What to Watch Out For…

When you go on your date what will you ask him/her, since you already know all the answers? Maybe you can verify the answers to see if they match up with your research.

Who needs to meet their partner’s friends when you can just add them to your account; this way you can all be friends and they can also conduct their own research on you.

Unfortunately though, those one night stands that keep happening may come back to haunt you. People post messages about your hobbies and practices all over your profile while (at the same time) other people are conducting their research on you – trouble! No worries, just make a new account.

You’re naughty vixen who’s been flirting with you for 3 months finally agrees to meet you. You “prepare” for the occasion that you’re expecting. For 3 months you’ve been cleaning up after yourself just thinking about the things she’s promised to smack you with.

You meet her and she ends up being the acne filled, shy virgin from your math class whos name you’ve never remembered, even though you’ve been in school together for 8 years!

Are You an Online Stalker? (Assign 2d)

What we did Then, What we do Now: Survival 101

Once upon a time we did background checks by engaging in gossip. We asked people around the neighbourhood and kept our ears open for any interesting details about our new/potential partner.

Nowadays, it seems as if the rules have changed. We don’t seem to ask anyone about anything. We take the role of investigation in our own hands. We rely on modern technology to discover the truth about him/her. Some call it research and others may refer to it as stalking, either way it gets the job done

Protocol on Social Networks

I don’t know if there are any? It seems as if online space is a place to “do as you will.” There are very few restrictions and if people set privacy settings, you’re account can always be hacked. Though I have learned that social networks is the place to advertise your life. If you’re in a relationship and don’t advertise it, does that mean you think your partner is too ugly to advertise? Or does it mean you’re not that serious about them and you’re still looking? Apparently if you don’t add your partner as a friend it is assumed you’re cheating.

I’ve recently been informed that social networking investigations must be done before the first date! I came home and told a friend that I met a cute guy at Starbucks, we spoke for a few minutes and he gave me his number so that we could go on a proper date. Her first response was, “have you looked him up on Facebook yet?”

Why should I investigate him, when this man will tell me about himself when we go on our date? According to new protocol, everyone must do a background check before going on a date. Is our world that dangerous now? Have we become this impatient? Or are we just that nosey?

Why Won’t the Toilet Flush? (Assign 1e)

I know technology has evolved drastically over the past two decades but has it really bettered every aspect of our lives? Do we really need help with everything? More importantly, who decides when the invention is ready for use?

These questions often come to mind when I’m starring at an automatic toilet flush in a public washroom waving my hand across the red sensor.

I remember when going to a public washroom meant doing your business and leaving. Today, the washroom experience is high tech and modern. Corporations spend millions of dollars on scientific research to create new and improved ways of avoiding germs. For generations people used public toilets, when have you ever read the headline “Outbreak of Public Washroom Virus?”

THE INVENTION:

 The Automatic Toilet Flush

“Purpose”: to avoid touching a handle on a public toilet because 100 other pee filled hands have already touched it. However, when you want to step out of the stall, you’re shit out of luck. You’ll just have to touch the pee infested door lock. I guess they’re still working on a solution for that?!

THE OUTCOME

The Aggressive NON- stop Toilet Flush: I was at the movies with a bladder full of coke. I raced to the washroom and ended up in a stall that began to flush so many times, water sprayed all over the toilet seat and floor. The other stalls were in use so I was stuck with the deformed one. After the third consecutive flush I couldn’t wait for it to stop. I sat down and the cold water sprayed by butt in 30 second intervals.

Lasting Sounds & Lingering Smells: The constant flushing made me think the toilet was telling me, “yo, you’re taking too long! Hurry up, your business smells!” More importantly, I don’t want to listen to 6 ½ minutes of sucking toilet water sounds, blaring, while I’m still in the stall!

The Flush has a Mind of its Own: When the toilet needs to flush it refuses to. The high tech, germ free toilet will intentionally ignore my demand. There are times when I need the situation in the bowl to disappear immediately; at these difficult times – I begin to pray.

The Prayer: Once I’ve, consistently, waved my hands across the sensor for 3 minutes and it still doesn’t work I become very spiritual. I start to plea with God and begin to think of all the horrible things I’ve done in the past. Is this invention not working because I cheated on my ex boyfriend 5 years ago? Is this my bad Karma that is punishing me with the broken toilet flush?

Cussing: Now that desperation has set in, I’ve forgotten about Jesus and am cussing the man who invented this stupid thing! Of course the anger motivates the feeling, “I just don’t give a shit anymore!”

The Escape Plan: The only option left after “waving hands,” the plea with Jesus and cussing, is to escape. No one likes this option, but option #2 is to stay inside until it decides to work. I do not have patience for option #2. Instead I look under the stall to see people’s feet and wait to dash to the sink. Since I’m fast, no one can tell which stall I just came out of.

THE SOLUTION

Few Tips:

• At the Movies: Make sure to check the toilet flush situation before you purchase that EXTRA Large Coke! If you stick with the small size cup you’ll be able to hold in your pee until you get home.
• Large Size Washroom: Try to pick the one furthest from the main entrance, just in case you’re there for a while. If you’re in the back no one will notice how long you’re taking.
• Quick prayer before you use the toilet. Nothing long and fancy, a simple, “please let this toilet flush when I need it to” is suffice. Positive energy never hurt anyone.
• Flush Not Working?: Throw toilet paper into the bowl. Not too much to clog it, but enough so that no one else can see what you’re leaving behind.